Season 2 Episode 1: Brand New Season

Hi Everyone,

Welcome to Season 2 of the blog.  My mother asked me this week when I was going to write again, since the last blog was in January.   Truthfully, this first blog has been dominating my mind and I really procrastinated writing about this topic.  Now that I am back in Clarence Center and my mom goes to bed at 9pm, there are few choices other than to write the blog and start season 2.    

This season's highlights will include Thailand, Amelie, Serbia, Hershey Park, airline ratings, family stuff, gay pride Sofia, and lots of other interesting and fascinating topics.  I will also return to old topics such as the gym, weight loss, Bulgaria, and other fabulous topics.

Without further ado, it is time for one procrastinator to get this season's first edition started.

Yup, I'm Oprah Fat Again:  After all the talk about trying to be Oprah thin last season, I have gone in the opposite direction and gone to the other side of spectrum towards Oprah fat.  I have a what I now call a kangaroo pouch, which is much better than comparing myself to a whale which I have told George the past few months. Despite working out and doing 200+ exercise days a year, I have somehow become Oprah fat again, which is a heartbreaking disappointment to me.  Yes, Mr. Joseph is Oprah fat and then some, Waaaaaaaaaahhhh!

I emphasize with Oprah completely because it feels like my body wants to be fat, even though I desperately fight to be thinner.  I shouldn't really complain, because I am not overly obese, but I have always been conscious about my weight.  While I have never been super overweight, I have always been slightly overweight with a pouch.  I have tried many times to get rid of the pouch, and failed miserably almost every time.   My family is full of addicts, and my addiction is food for sure like my grandmother and aunt.  If there is a bag of chips or something similar, I feel compelled to consume the entire package of cookies, chips, french fries, or any salty, sweet, or chocolate flavored snack, regardless of the portion size.  While I feel blessed not to be plagued with alcohol or drug problems my other family members battle constantly and usually without much success, I still have an addiction I need to confront and battle on a yearly/monthly/lifelong basis.

Prague in October 2008 about 15 kilos lighter.

These past six months have been a difficult period for me. Since Thanksgiving until I tore my left quad muscle in mid-June, I worked out regularly and did weights at the Atletik Fitness(which will take another whole blog entry), but still maintained the 88-90 kilo weight status since Thanksgiving.  There are some weeks I sweat my butt off from head to toe wearing old, unfashionable t-shirts in front of all the gay divas(including the crazy French Arabs), and did not lose once single pound or kilo.  While I have nice arms and a chest thanks to the gym, every gram of fat has decided to reside in the stomach area and wants to grow larger as I grow older and wiser. 

What have I learned?  I need to do something else besides working out and confront the other issues that have caused me to get to this weight level.  My usual workout like crazy and binge eat simply doesn't work as I get older and my metabolism has decided to slow down a bit. 

During this time, George has heard many of my rants and ravings, and he has been fabulous in making me maintain a positive self image.  This is reason #236 of the many reasons on why George is not really Bulgarian.  This could easily become an entire blog issue, and it kills him when people speak English to him or give him English menus.  I find it extremely hysterical, especially when I get a Bulgarian menu and he doesn't.

Why is this reason #236 on why George isn't Bulgarian?  Bulgarians are bluntly honest about everything.  I know my Bulgarian friends in Balchik would politely tell me I was fat and I needed to do something about it.  They wouldn't be cruel, but they would simply state the facts.  Alex, aka Sasha Fierce, lovingly tells me I am huge as I grow before his eyes.  My lovely fourth grade squirrels politely affirmed the fact I have a lot of mass and weight as we discussed the difference between mass and weight.   

Fat and Fabulous on New Year's Eve.  Have not lost one kilo since getting Amelie.  :(

 George is the opposite and gives me positive affirmations and gives me the belief that I am still an amazing person.  These are the things my mother, Owen, Sarah, or any other American would say.  He encourages me to go work out, and keep trying to lose the weight.  While he does not tell me I am thin as a beanpole, George comforts and consoles me.  He even does this while he sleeps some mornings when I can no longer fit into half of my work pants, frustratingly scream, and threaten to tear the offending pants into a million pieces.

Since I am not willing to buy a whole new wardrobe and I barely fit into pants in my fat size category, I have decided to take the following measures to help lose weight:

1.  Drink a lot less soda/pop.   This one kills me, but my cousin is convinced this is one of the reasons I haven't lost weight. 
2.  Eat reasonable meals at all times.
3.  Only eat when I am hungry.  Do not eat simply because others are eating.
4.  Refrain from pigging out at work functions and devouring a tray of appetizers.
5.  Refrain from pigging out at work functions or other party functions.  I had to repeat this one twice.
6.  Stop binge eating when I am alone at home, or alone somewhere.  This means I  cannot eat an entire bag of chips at once, 100 grams of chocolate, or an entire package of cookies or french fries.  
7.  Develop some will power for crying out loud.

Deceptively hiding some of my weight at the work Christmas Party :)

I could put fruits and veggies on there, but I already eat a lot of those.  I need to eliminate my bad habits and binge eating.  This is easier said than done, but someone in my family needs to conquer their addictions, so I should lead by example.  I feel relieved to have written this blog and freely admit my weight issues and neurotic behaviors.  Now, my goal is to change myself as to not   

Wow, I finally got this written out and it is satisfying to conquer the fear of admitting failure, but   While I may never achieve Oprah thin phase again, I do want to get rid of some of the unnecessary weight in my kangaroo pouch.  Instead of fitting two joeys, I would prefer to fit into one.  Most importantly, I refuse to buy a whole new wardrobe, as this is just too much time, money, and effort to find clothes I actually like wearing.  This should be my real motivation to head towards Oprah thin again, but I might need some encouragement from people to rid myself of part of my kangaroo pouch.  Otherwise, I'll end up shopping for the husky Levi jeans I had to buy in 6th and 7th grades. 

Below are two links.  One is a hysterical commercial and I highly encourage any friend, colleague, or family member to do this to me when they see me eating something I should not be consuming based on my rules.  I would gladly buy someone a drink at school to see them do to me what this commercial does.  The other is a BBC article that recently came out where you can compare your weight compared to the weight of people throughout the world.

Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy the first installment of Season 2. 

 What you can do if you see me eating something I shouldn't be eating. :)


http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-18770328 

Tis The Season

Hey everyone,

Yes, I have been slacking writing this blog and my readers, and I have decided to rededicate myself to the blog in 2012. The past few months has been hectic, and my blog writing has been replaced by the gym, George, ESPN America with football and hockey games on replay weekday evenings, holidays, responses to the fourth grade squirrels, and holiday festivities. Hmm, let's be honest, sixty percent of blog time was easily devoted to ESPN America, watching replays of hockey games and getting my hockey fix after not seeing any games in such a long time. There are so many things to write about, that this section might need two blogs. Without further ado, let's give 2012 everything it needs to keep you entertained. Here goes:


Introduction of Amelie, Amelie torturing my roommate, and how my boyfriend is like my lovely, yet animal crazy Aunt Camille:

Since the last blog I have a roommate since early November and at least for another month or so, plus got a new kitten. Times have changed in the apartment, and has made the life more lively and interesting. Around November 10, Adrian moved back from London and has been residing in the spare bedroom to finally get his degree, and finally figure out what he wants to do in life. For those keeping track, Adrian is my ex-bf, but we have become like best friends and breaking up was the best thing that ever happened to our friendship.

On November 29, I finally subcumed to the pressure and decided to get a household pet in Bulgaria. Growing up on a farm, I love animals, and this is the longest period of time without having a pet, 3 and 1/2 years. George also helped tremendously in Amelie's introduction to 8 Charlz Darvin. He has been asking for pets for a long time, and he reminds me of my aunt Camille.

To give you a small background on my aunt Camille's heart and attitude towards animals, she wants as many animals as possible, and she would have every animal known to humankind if she had her wish. In high school, our barn was full of animals, which was one of my best memories growing up, even if it did mean waking up every day at the crack of dawn to take care of all of them. Camille is the reason I got into riding horses, and she made sure I had a horse to ride for two years which I am forever thankful for, because horse riding and getting to know a horse while riding is one of those unique things in life you should never not do. Riding horses is more like you and the horse learn each others personalities, and you cannot be successful if you do not get to know the horse and what the horse is like. While I wasn't exactly a smashing success like my cousin was riding horse, I at least had a blast riding every day and escaping whatever was happening in reality by getting on a horse and riding for an hour or two a day.

But besides the horses, my aunt would willing sacrifice her entire paycheck on getting more animals, just to have one more is her goal. If possible, she would have had an elephant, tiger, or you name of the animal here to reside at the farm. If Camille did not have my cousin controlling her, she would go to an animal auction, and come back with about 2,000 animals because she thought they needed a home. That is just the type of person she is. We had llamas, buffalo, deer, rescued raccoons, and any other exotic animal which was legal to have. My first year in Balchik with the Peace Corps, no one there believed there was an antelope in our kitchen until my mom sent a picture of the antelope inside the house.

George is just like Aunt Camille in wanting about 5,000 animals. He saw some photos of monkeys at Kamy's place from her Bali pictures, and asked if we could have a monkey. After saying no, he asked about a chimpanzee instead. If George had his wish, I am certain my apartment would have a minimum of five cats, five dogs, a monkey, three rabbits, a parrot, two horses, two ferrets, and a giraffe. Luckily, the memories of goats and an antelope in our house in winter will never leave my memory. So, I said yes to ONE cat, and eventually will get a dog one day, but let's give the cat a year or two or three to adjust before there is mention of a dog.

Amelie is a wonderful three month old fireball of energy. She is very sweet, playful, loveable, and also a mischievous little devil. She has learned to play nice, and so far the leather couch has survived. Her favorite activity is harassing Adrian when he gets home from work. Amelie loves Adrian and is a mischievous little devil for him most evenings. Pretty much, she goes into his room, wants to play since she has slept all day just to be awake when he comes home from work around 12:30am,. She jumps off my bed where she instantly wakes up as soon as Adrian comes home, and greets Adrian, then tortures him inside his room until he yells at her for being a mad kitten. Just in the nick of time, she races away and hides in my room for a few minutes while I am sound asleep (because Adrian is a vampire and stays up until about 5-6am). Amelie has figured out she is completely safe and sound once she enters my room, and I am a sound sleeper and never hear Adrian screaming at Amelie as she tortures him. The whole process repeats until about 5 or 6 am, when Adrian goes to sleep. Afterwards, Amelie becomes my cat alarm clock at 6:40, sleeping with me, and then cuddling on my neck to make sure I wake up for work, and most importantly feed her IAMS. There is an innocent look in her eyes trying to pretend she was in bed sleeping the entire evening, but I always hear the real story when I get home from work. Below, enjoy the video of Amelie showing her true colors.





Joining the New Gym with the Muscle Guys and Crazy Gays:

After Thanksgiving, Adrian and I decided to join the new Atletik gym about one kilometer from my apartment. Pretty much, it is totally worth the 30 leva I pay every month to go to the gym. While I get to work out there about 4-5 times per week, the interactions and the men who go through are totally worth the price of admission.

To give you an idea of what it is like, here is a breakdown of the percentages of men who go to this gym:

Straight muscle guys: 40%
Gay Men: 40%
Random old men: 10%
Undeclared(meaning not quite sure if they are muscle or gay or both): 10%

Watching the men work on the machines and free weights is easily worth the price of admission. Think of it as the Atletik West Side Story, except with Bulgarian gays versus the muscle guys. Here is the top five of my favorite interactions while working out the past 45 days, of which there are tons to choose from, but I had to limit this to five. Drumroll please:

#5: finding Adrian's future 'boyfriend': Working out with Adrian doing weights together, and finding the most 'lovely' guys for him to be his next boyfriend. Sometimes, I am cruel and decide to comment on his future boyfriend while he is in the middle of a set of weights, which causes him to laugh out loud losing his concentration, and causing me to laugh like a hyena, while the gays glare at us in disapproval for daring to laugh while working out.

#4: The old muscle guy with bicycle clothing: He is on the list because he is around 50, but has decided to work out with bicycle clothing to show off his body, and prove he has zero fat on his body. Pretty much, his outfits are loud and out of control, but he is the one muscle guy who talks with everyone, gay or straight. For that, he gets extra points, even though somebody needs to stop wearing the bicycle clothes in the gym. He will never win a Tour De France with that heavy of a frame, and he needs clothing where we are not reminded of his package every time he walks around the gym.

#3 The model: Two days before New Year's, I saw one guy from Varna who is convinced he is a model, and even had photo shoots made to make him look like a model. Well, now he has moved to Sofia, and works out at the new Atletik gym. Well, for this particular workout, he was wearing a gay fabulous workout mesh shirt, in which you could pretty much see his body, asking for helping from the straight trainer on how to use certain weight machines. While the trainer loved helping the hot woman who wore a see through white shirt with no bra and had nice perky breasts, he wasn't as excited to help out the model. Reluctantly, the trainer went to help the him a few machines, while the model showed off for the trainer, hoping that he might be able to compete with the hot chick with perky breasts. Sadly, the model's chest was nowhere near as perky.

#2 The straight guy with a decent body hitting on girls who doesn't wear deodorant : He almost made the number one spot if it weren't for the three guys below. Two times I have seen him work out, and you can easily smell him halfway across the gym. If I were counseling this guy like I do a few people as Judge Judy, this would be my advice to him in my imaginary world:

Me: "Dude, I get the metal shirt, but WTF is wrong with you not wearing any deodorant? See that hot girl you were checking out?????? Well, you're never going to get her because she can smell you and knows you're the guy who stinks like a village shepherd guy who hasn't taken a shower in two months!!!!!!! I see you work out, and you have a decent body. You want a chance at that hot chick? Well, do this thing called personal hygiene and take care of yourself. Otherwise, you're going to end up with one of the French Arab gay guys who is going to put on a wig because they're not that picky. Do you understand? Those three aren't that picky, and you know it. After your workout, go downstairs to the grocery store, pick up some deodorant, and bring flowers to the hot chick next time to make up for that awful smell she had to deal with while you were staring at her breasts. Then, you might have a chance. Got it? Ok, Приятен ден биатч."

#1 The Gay French Arabs: I saw these three guys last month when on the elliptical, trying to get out of my fat Oprah phase. Pretty much, these three guys joined the gym mostly to drool and stare at all the guys working out. Here is the lowdown on these three guys.

French guy #1: Well, since I am in a moment of honesty, he makes me look wafer thin. He spends most of the time sitting on the couch, lightly biking for three minutes, or walking on the treadmill for a maximum of 10 minutes during the 90-120 minutes he is there.
French guy #2: He is the diva of the group, and he is cute in his own mind, and sincerely thinks he is god's gift to men. He works out sometimes, but is also sitting on the couches half the time 'reading magazines', but really fantasizing about which muscle guy he wants to take home after the gym.
French guy #3: Precisely like French guy #1, except not fat. He wears glasses, so it is even more obvious which straight muscle guy he is fantasizing about while 'reading magazines' on the couch.

One day, these three guys were watching Adrian and I the entire time we were working out on the couch. I finally realized this when they followed us into the changing room, hoping that Adrian and I would strip, get naked, show off, and maybe invite them home. Sadly for them, Adrian and I disappointed them severely by putting on track pants over our shorts, putting our jackets on, and immediately leaving the changing room. Since then, I think have been on their shit list, because I was the one who mentioned we had to leave right away, without mentioning those three guys. They are ALWAYS there when I work out, and are a constant source of entertainment. I wish these three could have their own reality show, and just watch what they do in the Atletik gym and around town.

Final Moments: Well, anyone is welcome to come work out with me at the Atletik gym, just to prove that I am not making any of these things up. I leave you with a great song by the Muse. George is harassing me that it took me FOREVER to post this blog, so I am going to post more often to get him off my back. Enjoy the blog, and feel free to post comments or questions. Sorry if my video of Amelie doesn't work, but I will figure this out, or have George do it for me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8OOWcsFj0U&feature=relmfu

Role playing in Sofia

Hey Everyone,
This month has been crazy busy moving to fourth grade, work, cooking, and dating. Yes, I said dating, lol. While I will always be on the Sofia D-list in the gay world here, dating someone does make life a lot more interesting, but does not change the opinion of all the insane gay men here in Sofia. So for the past two months, I have shunned most of the gay world of Sofia because I don't have the energy or time to deal with the craziness of these bumbling idiots, except for my two main gays, Alex and Rado. Living in straight A-list world with the boyfriend has been fabulous while life has been as hectic as a speeding Mafiaso in his Audi driving down Tsarigradsko Shosse.

In the next issue, I promise to return to D-list stories for those people craving those mad unbelievable stories because we have a good laugh about this constantly with friends. This issue of the blog will not disappoint you, trust me. There is LOTS of drama involving getting things done for the apartment, and what one must do sometimes to keep utility and internet/phone companies legit. There is a section for peanut butter chocolate chip brownies and pumpkin brownies, which are both given the stamp of approval from the fourth grade squirrels I teach. Let the good times begin! Enjoy reading this issue!

Hot Water Bill Refund:
Remember a few blogs ago when I said my landlady was super persistent and on the verge of being highly annoying, so people will do anything to get rid of her and she gets her own way. Well, this tactic worked finally. In August, I got a 180 leva refund on my 1,250 leva hot water bill from December because of her role of being a persistent pest, and refusing to accept corruption, beauracracy, or stupdity. She also got 250 leva back on her bill of 1,400 leva. In terms of miracles, what Nadia did is similar to Liverpool beating AC Milan in the 2005 UEFA Champions League final after being down 3-0 at halftime. For American Football fans, what Nadia did was similar to the Bills comeback win against the Houston Oilers in 1993 when they were down 35-3 with Frank Reich as quarterback(I still remember driving with Zack and simply being dumbfounded as we drove back to the farm listening to the radio, because the game was blacked out). Simply, these things should not happen, and we celebrate these small moments in life as miracles.

After dealing with Nadia, I am sure the people at the hot water company felt much like the Italian commentator from AC Milan for the Liverpool/AC Milan match. No Italian is needed to understand, but you can hear his jubilation when AC Milan scores every single goal, going up 3-0 at halftime. This jubilation is what the Sofia Hot Water company felt without fully understanding who they were dealing with when they saw Nadia. Then, listen to the dejection in his voice as he saw Liverpool slowly come back and win on penalties. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6DElrKyEFs

Cable TV and Internet Drama:
When I returned home in August, my landlady and I decided it was time to get an upgrade on the internet and cable. After three years, I desperately wanted to watch hockey and football because it was one of the few things I really miss here in Bulgaria that I don't have. ESPN America is readily available throughout Bulgaria, and at first it seemed doing this would be really easy. My current telephone and internet company, Vivacom, had all these advertisements stating great optical internet, wireless modems, and cable promising fantastic cable. Niavely, Nadia and I believed these advertisements, and signed up for a year contract. What unfolded should not surprise anyone, because advertisements commonly lie to people in Bulgaria, in order to lure them in for offers. For 40 leva a month, we thought we were getting a great deal. Instead, here is what unfolded with the internet and cable:
1. Wireless modem: The wireless modem was essentially useless and a sloth could find faster internet than the Vivicom wireless modem. Claiming to have great coverage throughout Bulgaria, the experiment in Balchik with my host family proved the modem was embarassingly slow, and my smartphone worked 1,000,000 times faster than the modem.
2. Old Cable TV: Well, Vivacom told Nadia it would be super easy to install cable in the apartment. When they arrived in late August, they could not grab a signal anywhere in the apartment for the satellite, which was comically funny, yet inept at the same time because I saw all these other satellite dishes around me. Yet, they still wanted us to pay until Nadia called them up and raised holy hell. I so wish I could have overheard that conversation.
3. Optical TV/Internet: All throughout Sofia, you see large, gigantic, herculian ads stating how Vivicom has optical internet throughout Sofia. At this point in time, Vivacom's optical coverage consist of two apartment blocks in Mladost. So for all the money spent advertising their coverage, it is a big, fat, humongous lie to lure people into false contracts they cannot get out of. Such is life in Bulgaria. Beware of what the advertisement actually advertises.
4. Payback time late September: Two weeks ago, Nadia struck back at Vivacom for their stupidity, by playing our own trick. One rainy Wednesday evening, I went with Nadia to the Vivacom office, where she was my mom, and I was her Bulgarian son raised in America, and spoke Bulgarian with a huge American accent. My job with to lay on the American accent when speaking, flirt with the girls, and sell the fact I was going back to America in a week and didn't need the contract. For the rest, Nadia took care of it as I played the role of the disinterested son trying to escape Bulgaria. It worked like a charm, and Nadia got me out of a two year contract for cable and internet.
5. The Glory of Megalan: That Friday in late September, Nadia and I went to Megalan, where it came highly recommended by new assistant Julia, and her boyfriend Todor. She told me Todor was extremely pleased with this, which made me want to immediately go to Megalan and get cable and internet. The only side effect of Megalan is that I needed to get 15 porn channels in order to get ESPN America. Let me let that sink into your head for a minute. 15 porn channels. And no, there was no possible way not to get the porn channels in order to get ESPN. So, I now have 15 porn channels for my viewing pleasure, an amazing internet connection that works in the entire apartment, and football games on Sundays with replays of hockey games once the World Series is over. Life is good as my TV gets used for sports all the time.

Conclusion and Feeding Fourth Grade Squirrels for Good Behavior:
I have a confession: I am such an idiot for not thinking of this idea earlier to help deal with behavior management, and I give credit to Damon for helping me create this idea. We have been in school for two months, and I have not had to raise my voice once in anger with my fourth grade squirrels. But because of my loud voice echoing, people still hear me teaching and reading books aloud.
What is my secret? I will cook for them for five weeks of good behavior, and they have become lapdogs as a results. It definitely helped that Julia had a birthday in September and I made peanut butter chocolate chip brownies, which they claimed were like heaven as they devoured them in less than 20 seconds. They have ten points on the board starting on Monday morning, and only need one point on the board on Friday dismissal time to get about 10 minutes of playtime, and a tally mark towards food.

As a result, I almost always have a very focused classroom with students working extremely hard at all times. The fourth grade squirrels would like food every week, but I have told them people in the school are extremely jealous I cook for them and delectable food must be earned. If they misbehave the slightest bit, then I take points away until my students, aka squirrels, yell at the misbehaving student/s to get him or her inline, or I decide to eat something I cooked in front of them one day after their lunch and they call this an act of perfidy. That is mostly because I don't have time to eat my lunch with recess or lunch duty, but it is hysterical to see their reaction every time this happens. They were rewarded last week with apple pie, peach brownies, peach salsa, and other goodies, and by their reaction and the amount of food leftover(zero, and I had to fight to get myself a piece), I am certain they will strive to get as many food days as possible this school year.

Here are two recipes any member in your family will easily devour, as I have had made these many times, and they are gobbled up instantly everytime I make them.

Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Brownies
1 cup flour
3/4 cup cocoa powder
4 eggs
1 1/2 cups sugar
3/4 cup butter, melted
3/4 cup peanut butter
3/4 cup chocolate chips
2 teaspoons vanilla
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking powder

First, mix sugar, butter, peanut butter and vanilla together until blended. Add eggs and mix well. Then, add baking powder and salt. Finally, add dry ingredients and mix well. Add batter into a greased 9X13 pan. Cook at 400F or 200C for about 30 minutes or so.

Pumpkin Brownies
1 cup flour
1 1/2 cups sugar
3/4 cup butter, melted
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking powder
2 teaspoons vanilla
3 eggs

Mix these ingredients together, then divde the batter in half.
Pumpkin Half of Batter, you need to add:
3/4 cup pumpkin puree(I highly recommend baking pumpkin in your oven, and then puree it with a hand blender. The stuff from a can simply cannot compare to this and will change the taste of the recipe completely.)
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground cloves
1 teaspoon ground nutmeg

Mix these ingredients into the pumpkin half of the batter.

Chocolate Half of the Batter:
1/2 cup cocoa powder
1/2 cup chocolate chips

Mix these ingredients well, then place chocolate batter into a greased 8X8 pan. Then, place pumpkin batter over brownies and use a knife to cut through and create a swirling motion.

Bake at 350 F, or 175C, for about 40 minutes, or until toothpick comes out clean.

Enjoy these recipes, and I hope you enjoyed this edition of the blog while devouring some pumpkin brownies.

Summer Socialist

Hi Everyone,
I woke up this morning to get the coolest thank you note for writing the blog from a random person, which kind of inspired me to finish the summer travel update. It also proves people actually read this blog, which I always wonder about. Increased readership is always a good thing, especially when you get a really nice message. As promised, this is the summer vacation edition, so enjoy this whirlwind tour to Sweden and Denmark. School has started, and I have a great group of fourth grade squirrels. However, I want to go back in time this blog, and wish I was in Sweden or Denmark.

Copenhagen, Denmark: Note to self, do not attempt to move classrooms with 16 first grade boys on the last day of school when you have a flight to Copenhagen at 2:40pm. Poor Milena and I were running around the school like crazy people trying to get people to move all my junk, I mean books and valuable supplies. It was during this moment I wished I wasn't such a book packrat and regretted my decision to keep EVERY SINGLE book.

Here is why you should go to Copenhagen:

1. Lots of bike riding and almost no bike theft. People just parked their bikes in the middle of Copenhagen and left them there UNLOCKED. On the weekend, we saw THOUSANDS of bikes, and no one left a lock on it. You could literally just take a bike, go riding around the city, and drop it off. If you left your bike unlocked in DC or Sofia, it would take three minutes for it to be stolen.


2. There is good shopping for random stuff, and a great bagel store. I found a great CD shop where I browsed through CDs for almost an hour, and Adair purchased herself a new camera.


3. You can take pictures like this in Nyhavn, which is a really cool spot, rain or shine.


4. There is a great bagel shop which you can avoid eating at fast food places because the price of food is simply insane.


5. I was able to find Miracle Whip at the grocery store.

Karlskrona Sweden: Adair and I decided to stop by this smaller town on the drive up the Baltic coast to Stockhom. Here are the highlights of our Sunday adventure:

1. Karlskrona is pretty much dead on Sunday. Sometimes, I felt like Adair and I were the only people walking around on Sunday in a town of 80,000.


2. Two old men stopped me and started speaking to me in Swedish. Since we were the only people walking around, it took little time to figure out they were talking to me. In Sweden, I had lots of people mistake me for a Swedish guy and speak Swedish to me when Adair was not around. In fact, I saw someone the identical twin to my brother Zack.


3. Watching movies such as Inglorious Bastards with Adair at the hostel, and cooking dinner with a stove that didn't work. To go here, you will need to take Adair and stay at the cheap hostel we stayed at which was nice compared to what we paid in other places.

Kalmar, Sweden:
Kalmar is a pretty cool town about 80km from Karlskrona, and it was a super easy drive the next day, and we got to wander around a very cool town, old town, and castle. Here is why you should go here:

1. There is a great old castle with cool art in it, and you can see great views from the Baltic.


2. There is a cool old town, but it rained a lot the day we were there. It would look a lot better in the sun. We did shop at H&M, since it was founded in Sweden. Of course, I had more people speaking Swedish to me when Adiar was not there.


3. MAX Burger: Adair and I were introduced to the MAX Burger fast food chain. It is the Swedish equivalent of McDonald's and your town must have a MAX Burger to even be considered a town. Lots of different burger varieties, free internet, and clean bathrooms. They also have a recycling system that is downright confusing because there are so many different containers.

Stockholm: Wow! That is Stockholm in one word. This is one of the prettiest cities I have visiting, and pictures do not do it words. You can check out my facebook album for Stockholm, because I couldn't just choose 1-2 pics from there. Here are some great reasons you should visit:

1. Vasa Museum: This is an indoor museum, with a Viking ship that sank in Stockholm harbor almost 400 years ago. The pulled it out of the harbor about 55 years ago, and now you can visit the ship and see for yourself what a real viking ship looked like. The water preserved it very well,


2. Beautiful people: Wow, is just about all I can say. There are so many good looking men and women that you almost need a bib to wipe off the drool because they are just so amazing to look at.


3. Island hopping: Stockholm is built on many islands, so you can go island hopping from boat tours, and see lots of cool things. The old town and everything else is easy to walk around.


4. Beautiful People: Yes, it needs to be repeated twice.

This concludes this edition of the blog. I could write about visiting Vancouver, Seattle, or DC this summer, but these places are not socialist enough to comment about. For the Tea Party enthusiasts such as Sarah Palin, Rick Perry, and Michele Bachmann, I needed to write about those socialist, communists states that will destroy America as we know it. If one of those Tea Party people get elected President next year, I will need to apply for Canadian citizenship. It was bad enough trying to explain to people why we elected George W. Bush twice. Once, they could understand, but never twice. I don't know where to begin with Bulgairans and Europeans if Rick Perry is elected president, or Michelle Bachmann. I will have to move to Sweden, get a higher paying job, learn Swedish, look at beautiful people all day, get free health care, and have a high standard of living.

Some things never change

I write this edition of the blog while recovering from the summer flu virus, which has delayed my trip to Balchik at least a day or two. Since I am sick and slept all day, now I am not tired, so I plan to write the blog until it is finished. I don't trust myself driving the Sofia-Varna road feeling like garbage, and I need my A game to drive that road. Enjoy the D-list and farm animal updates, and my next issue will be about Copenhagen, Sweden, Seattle/Vancouver.

Sofia D-list, DC and Vancouver B-list, and Buffalo A-list:
A few months ago, I mentioned how I was on the gay D-list in Sofia, for many reasons. Well, I am still on the D-list here, and still trying to figure out a way to move up to at least the C-list. Here is how D-list I am. A guy, let's call him Bob, who I thought I was going to be friends with erased my number from his phone after being gone six weeks. Bob completely forgot who I was, even though we did coffee and hung out a few times.

So yes, I am still the shy American in Sofia who the gays don't want to talk to because they don't understand why this dumbass American chooses to willingly live in Sofia, when many of them are trying to leave Bulgaria. Sometimes, I feel sorry for Rado and Alex, as they are the only gays willing to regularly hang out with me. Their stock goes down by hanging out with me, hahahahahaha.


In the States and Canada, I got a lot more attention than I ever do in Sofia. In DC, I did have a few people check me out at the one bar I was hanging out in with friends. In Vancouver, the gay scene is the polar opposite of Sofia. Many guys are very masculine, some have beards and chest hair, and they like nature and the outdoors. It was a nice change of pace from Sofia, and I met a few cool people there. But, the Vancouver scene would send most gays in Sofia running for their lives. Almost all men in Bulgaria, gay or straight, shave their body hair away from their bodies, or get it waxed off. I am the weird one for having chest hair and deciding to keep it.

The funniest gay attention came in Clarence/Amherst. When I go home, I spend about 99.99% of the time at home with my family, and I can count on my fingers how many times I have been to the gay bars in Buffalo. Yet, I am definitely A-list there, even though I don't live there and almost never go out. There is always someone wanting to know me better, and wishes that I lived in Buffalo instead of Bulgaria or DC.
After arriving in Buffalo from a red eye flight from Seattle, I wanted breakfast, so my mom and I decide to go to Perkins. Now, I hadn't taken a shower, hadn't brushed my teeth because I forgot to put my tootbrush in my backpack, hadn't put on deodorant, had two hours of sleep, it was 1pm, and I smelled pretty bad after sweating on two planes. It was also 95 degrees in Buffalo, and my mom's car has no air conditioning.


Well, our waiter was in love with me despite all of this. He would not leave my mom and me alone the entire brunch, and always found a way to enter the conversation, even when we were talking about something in Bulgaria he had no knowledge about. The lunch shift was slowing down, and he thought there was a hunk of a guy he was serving. We were there for about an hour, and he came over at least 5 times and spent over 30 minutes talking with us, ok mostly me and my mom just happened to be there. He thought living in Buffalo was tough after DC, and I told him he had nothing to complain about gay life in Buffalo because I would kill for a sports team to play with, even badmitton. Despite all his flirting, he never got my number, and my mom and I made sure to escape without seeing him as we left and paid our bill.
So, the next time I go out to the ID club in Sofia, I am thinking about not taking a shower for two days, not use deoderant, and see what happens. Will I be irresistible, as I was to the waiter at Perkins? Or, will I move to the F-list? My guess is I will still be D-list, because no one is going to smell me with all the cigarrette smoke from the chain smoking gays.

Farm update: The farm has become more of a geriatric ward of animals to be honest. My aunt has a lot less animals, even though she would have about 2,000 if all of us weren't telling her no more animals. Bonnie, the donkey, is still kicking and is at least 36-38 years old, because she was 12-14 when I moved to the farm in 1987. Bonnie and I go way back, and I will cry like a baby when she finally does kick the bucket. On farm tours, I was always in charge of fat Bonnie. I taught lots of kids how to brush using Bonita, and gave donkey rides with Bonita. I trained her to go by herself out to pasture with Mama, and figured out a way to have her saddle fit when she kept getting fatter and the girth was not fitting. Bonnie never liked doing much of anything for many people, but she would do lots of things for me. Probably because I said she was just husky, instead calling her fat.
Of the four dogs, I could take all of them home with me, but I know they would not like city living, except for the Dozer, the dumb and lovable golden retriever who just hopes you have food for him. Dozer is the youngest at eight, and Hoppy, the three legged boxer, has now been there almost 4 years, after being told he would only live a few months on three legs. Sullivan, who is my dog from Teresa's sister, is now 10. My cousin and uncle were asking about why Sully had a small with his hips and walking, and everyone was surprised when I mentioned Sully is now 10 and has been on the farm for four years. They forgot he had been on the farm that long. All his nervous behavior is gone, and he is just one of the dogs. Zeus passed away in July because his hips were giving out on him, but he lived to be 12 which is amazing for a dog that size. Rest in peace big Zeus(see left), you were an amazing dog.

Yes, all the dogs pictured are super fat. All the dogs were skinny and in great shape when they first arrived on the farm. How did they get to be so overweight? Crazy Aunt Patty and Crazy Aunt Camille showed their love for them by making sure they were happily fed and taken care of. But, they would never admit they overfed the dogs, and blame each other for making them fat. The end result is my mom refuses to feed the dogs, and the dogs are still fat with my aunt feeding them everyday. My mom says this proves my aunt is to blame for the fat dogs, but I know they were both guilty. They love their dogs, and the dogs love them for feeding them and taking care of them.

Patrick: Hi, I'm Patrick. For those of you who don't know me, I was the friendly, fat, lovable gray tiger cat. I dealt with my brother Troy for all those years, and Joseph never believed that Troy was crazy. I have been vindicated after moving to the farm, and now everyone knows he is completely batsh#$ crazy. Please note I still love my brother, but he's gone crazy with power.

The past three years have been great for me. I have made lots of new friends, and even made friends with the dogs. I am the lovable cat everyone loves, even two guys who HATE cats like me and have told people, "I hate cats, but Patrick is a great cat." Joe's aunt told his mom that if she ever moves, Patrick must remain on the farm. The farm has made me lose weight, I've gone into my Oprah skinny phase, and no one can ever call me Fatrick again.

I miss Joe a lot, and I wish he would have taken him with me to Bulgaria. He told me that he would have taken me three years ago, but that I had to stay with Troy and take care of him. Damn it, he was right, because Troy was a crazy fool and got his butt kicked until he became king of the cats. Now Troy has other friends and I could go to Bulgaria, but I am too old to fly across the ocean. Joe wants to take me with him, but he told me he was really afraid I could not handle the flight on three planes by myself. While that makes me sad, I take solace in that I have too many people to take care of. I need to make sure Joe's mom, aunt, and Robert get greeted with a warm hello each day, and cheer them up no matter how they are feeling.

Troy: For those of you who don't know me, I am the shy, crazy black cat who ate all the hair off his back and dreamed of being Mr. Bigglesworth after Joseph went into the Peace Corps. Being on the farm has made me stop chewing hair, except when Joe comes home because I chew off my hair to make him realize he made a mistake by not taking me three years ago (sidenote: Troy, the Bulgarians would have freaked out seeing a bald, crazy black cat and not let you into the EU and killed you in 2008).

I love the crazy lady who feeds me(Joe's mom) and Robert and Camille are cool, but I have become crazier than ever. With seven cats, I have left Patrick's company and decided to become King of the Cats. My rule as king is more like the mad dragon king Targaryen, from the Game of Thrones series. My favorite things to torture the cats includes sitting in the cat box for 5 hours at a time growling at other cats, so they cannot go to the bathroom. I also like hiding in the cellar to pounce on unsuspecting cats who dare to enter downstairs.

Closing:

I hope you have enjoyed this edition, and tales from the animals at the farm. If you have any ideas on how I can get off the gay D-list, I am open to suggestions. Really, I am almost willing to try anything at this point.

Making up for Lost Time

Hey Everyone,

Yes, it has been awhile since writing, but it became monsoon season in the teaching world. I have never, ever had a quiet, relaxing May and June ever, and this year proved to be equally exciting and full of non-stop action. So, I write this blob from the quiet confines of the family farm in Buffalo, catching up in writing this month, and making up for lost time.

This issue will cover lost time for the Man Purse, Kosovo, and a great recipe that is one of my favorite dishes. Enjoy this edition's offerings.

A-List in Kosovo:

Before monsoon season really began in late May, I went to Kosovo with my friends Owen and Sarah. Why Kosovo? Why not was the attitude we had about it. Who goes to Kosovo for vacation? Who do we know has been there? No one. Most people thought we were completely crazy in Bulgaria for going there, and some feared for my safety. The U.S. report on Kosovo made it look like we would lose Sport instantly, and I would lose all of my money to pickpocketers within five minutes.

Upon arrival, there were very few tourists there, just us in Prishtina, and some KFOR and catholic tourists in Prizren who obviously were there for a day trip. Since little is known about this place, I am writing a top 5 reasons you should visit Kosovo:

1. The men are stunningly beautiful!!!!!!! This sounds untrue, but it is real. Great features, beautiful eyes, and much more. I have witnesses to prove it. Sarah and I were drooling the entire time, and Owen, the gayest straight man according to him, noticed how stunning the men were and wanted to hook the shy guy, me, up with one of the guys, but it was way too tough to choose just one. I definitely plan to visit Kosovo for this reason again.

2. There is a Lush store there: Prishtina is rebuilding, the roads are downright awful, but there is a mall with a Lush store. There is no lush store in Bulgaria, an EU member, but there is a Lush store in Kosovo, which was a battlezone of genocide just 12 years ago, and has only been officially independent three years. I was able to buy a strawberry and cream conditioner for my hair to prove this store exists.

3. Prizren, Albania:

Prizren is a beautiful town of about 175,000 on the Kosovo/Albanian border with a sad history, but I hope it gets better because this is a pretty town. It was a lot of refugees during the war, but now things have stabilized since 1999, and one can wander through the old town, see the burned out Serbian church, and visit a fortress where you can pretty much do anything because there is no admission fee, and no one watching you. The fortress was used during the Ottoman Empire, as late as 1905. The old town was great to walk around, and had a lot more to offer than Prishtina. There was barbed wire around the St. George Church was only put there after the Albanians burned this church in 2004. The catholic church in the center of town was left untouched, so it goes to show it wasn't religious retaliation, but more a Serbian versus Albanian thing.

4. Lots of hotels and gas stations: When looking for hotels online, you will find no hotels on Booking.com, and hostelword only has one hotel. Knowing this, I thought finding our hotel in Prishtina was a great deal. But when we drove over the border, there were hotels everywhere. Every few kilometers, there was some type of hotel and gas station complex. It seems every Kosovar Albanian has a dream to own a hotel and gas station. For such a small country, it has LOTS of hotels, in places you would NEVER imagine there would be a hotel. But wait, there is a hotel there, just in case you wanted to stop there.

5. Kosovo loves the United States: Unlike the rest of Europe, Kosovo LOVES the United States. Since we recognized them as a country in 2008, Kosovo even loves George W Bush, but they especially love Bill Clinton. The main street in Prishtina is Bill Clinton Boulevard, and there is a huge billboard of Clinton, along with a bronze statue to thank him for stopping the genocide against them in the late 1990s. American flags were flying in a lot of places. They liked talking to Americans, and didn't treat us as if we had the plague. People were amazed we were not diplomats, soldiers, or part of KFOR. On the way out, the border guards thought we were part of KFOR, and were surprised when I said we were just normal Americans. They waved us by without really even looking at our passports.

I definitely plan to visit Kosovo again. Anyone want to join me after this pep talk?

Paris and the purchase of the Man Purse:

After three years, I have finally integrated and bought a man purse. Every man has a man purse. The big burly Bulgarian drinking rakia has a man purse. The men playing football(soccer to those Yanks reading this) have man purses. The men with ear hair and nose hair have man purses. The Bulgarian rednecks even have man purses(villagers to those who don't know what a redneck is). Pretty much, I was in the minority not owning a man purse. So, I decided to get one for my trip to Paris, because I knew there would be tons of Americans with backpacks. And after visiting little America, aka Venice, last summer with Teresa, I didn't look like all the tourists with their backpacks.

Did it work? YES! YES! YES! The man purse was great because it fit the guide book, a map, plus my itouch and a drink. It wasn't a heavy burden that gave me back sweat after five minutes on a warm, sunny day. As you can see from the photo, it hung on my shoulder, or it had a strap that I could wrap around my body. The French knew I was a tourist, but didn't know I was American. So, they were nicer to me when I ordered food and had to speak survival French.

But, the man purse has the reverse effect in the States. I wore the man purse in metrosexual Washington DC, and they have big bags, but no man purses. In Buffalo, I might wear it as an experiment one day just to see the reaction, but I am sure there will be a lot of rednecks who will stare at me all day. Little do they know they're European redneck cousins all have man purses. But, the Buffalo rednecks wouldn't believe me, and probably think I'm a communist socialist Lenin pig for living in Bulgaria.

Oh, I should tell you about Paris. So many of you reading this have been there, and I felt like I was the last person who visited this great city. I had been waiting for my mom to visit Paris, but after waiting for almost three years for her to buy a ticket to Bulgaria and treat her to Paris, I couldn't wait any longer. Today, I just found out she wants to go to Spain, or somewhere like that instead, which made me wonder why I waited to see Paris so long in the first place.

Paris was such a great city to visit. The art, the food, the beautiful people, and the great English book store in the Latin Quarter full of great history books. I spent a day in the Louvre looking at great paintings, and taking pictures of boyfriends I would want from each century. Every day was sunny, and my breakfast was a croissant with almonds, or with almonds and chocolate.

Paris was everything it should have been, and I was lucky to have beautiful weather for five days. I will probably go back, just for the art.

Spaghetti with Spinach and Sirene:

This is one of my favorite dishes with sirene, and it is very easy to make. When I had the homemade sirene, I made this twice, because spinach goes well with this white cheese. If you want something simple and quick, it doesn't get much easier than this. You can find Bulgarian sirene at the Turkish store on Columbia Pike, or any Whole Foods, where it is called Bulgarian Feta.

Ingredients:

500 grams, or 1 lb package of spaghetti. I choose a Barilla #3, an in between angel hair and regular size pasta.

1 package of spinach, about 300-500 grams(8-12 ounces), chopped

about 300-500 grams(8-12 ounces) of sirene crumbled, depending on how cheesy you want it. I use about 450-500 grams.

Optional: 3-4 chopped tomatoes to add on top of pasta when finished

Directions: Cook pasta as you normally would. When pasta is about 2 minutes finished, add spinach and cook 1-2 minutes with pasta. Drain pasta and spinach in culinder, then add sirene and mix well. Serve and eat. If you add tomatoes, do not cook, but mix freshly chopped tomatoes with cooked pasta. It makes a great dish, nutricious, delicious, simple, and good.

Owning the D List Status

Hey everyone,

It has been awhile, but I write you for a second time and hopefully this time it will save. Last night, I had this issue completed and ready to edit, and then it didn't save. Still bitter about this, I am making sure every single sentence saves tonight, or I may trade this blog in for another one that works better.

Getting a Watch Battery:

Last month, my watch battery died, and I went about the task of changing the battery. Now, one would think this would be an easy thing to do, even in Bulgaria. Simply go to a watch shop, and change the battery. In the States, you can go to Target or Walmart and get this done in 2 minutes, but not in Bulgaria. I naively assumed you could go to any watch store and change the battery. SO, so, wrong.

My first stops were at two fancy watch stores in The Mall on my way home from work, assuming that any watch store would be able to change my watch battery. I was met by surly young women in both stores, who in proud Bulgarian customer service relations gave me an answer that made me feel like an idiot. "We don't change watch batteries and why would you expect us to?", was the reply I got in both stores. When I asked where I could get a battery, the usual vague reply was: "Somewhere in the center."

With this beautiful piece of information, I went about one Sunday on Vitosha looking for a watch battery, and finding the Buddies Bears debuting here to build tolerance in a city that could use a lot of tolerance training. I went to four watch stores of different kinds of watches, and not one store could change the battery. But, the saleswomen were much nicer than at the mall, apologized, and told me to try the store next door assuming they would change batteries. After four stores, I gave up and decided today was not the day I was going to change the watch.

Returning from Paris and Balchik, I met a friend for lunch, and decided to renew my quest for the watch battery, but this time on Graf Ignatief street. This time, I felt confident I would find the place that would help me. At the first store, I was in luck and they changed watch batteries, but the woman couldn't open my watch to change the battery.

Finally, I walked by a watch shop with watch repairs near the corner of Rakovski and Graf Ignatief. Of course, this is the place I should have come to in the first place, but I walked by here a million times without realizing it was there, as I never needed my watch repaired. In ten minutes, I had a new watch battery, even though I got ripped off because my battery cost 15 leva, while the previous peron's battery only cost 8 leva. At this point, I didn't really care, as I was simply happy I got the battery changed, and paying a small fee to change it after looking relentlessly for a month was worth it.

Gay D List Sofia:

When writing this, I am in no way upset, but more stating what are facts and observations. With all my straight friends, I am a total A list, and my straight friends rock and so do my colleagues. Without them, my life would be very boring and I would not have the support I have. With my gay friends, I only have 4-5 after almost three years, and two of them are American, with only one gay best friend. I could include six with my ex-bf in London being Peter Pan, but he's in London being Peter Pan, so he doesn't count.

I am at full acceptance with my status in both the gay and straight communities here in Sofia, and it is almost as if I earning my stripes. Unlike Kathy Griffin who calls herself a D list celebrity, it took me a little while to own the D list status in the Sofia gay community. In DC, I was able to make lots of gay friends, and it's been bewildering to me why I don't have more gay friends after almost three years, but I have some theories and observations why. Like Kathy Griffin and celebrities, most gays are terrified to talk to me. I moved up to the D list because I was on the E list when I first got here. And E was not fun at all, so I will take being on the D list.

Here are the reasons why I am on the D list with the Sofia Gay Community(It could be one, multiple, and/or all of them depending on which gay guy you are talking to):

1. I am not the typical gay guy that is presented on TV for Bulgarians to see.

I like to go to concerts, action movies, and the theater, instead of chalga concerts and the gay bar exclusively. I would prefer to wear a $9 t-shirt from Kohls, then to spend $100 on a G-Star Raw tshirt. I like sports, which is the kiss of death. I can spend hours wandering around art museums looking at art. In the states and in DC, it is easy to find similar gay souls who share my interests. In Sofia, I am the lone wolf. They like fashion, chalga, and gossip, which aren't exactly my strong talking points, or what I am interested in.

2. I like other music besides chalga and pop music:

While I went to Madonna, I lost a lot of points when I went to the AC/DC, Elton John, and Bob Dylan concerts last year. Why was I going to see such music? I had one extra Elton John ticket and offered it for free to my two gay friends and anyone else, and they ALL rejected the ticket. Why? Because Elton John was old and didn't represent gay interests in Sofia. Yes, an icon who has improved the lives of the gay community for many years is seen as an old has been with the gays in Sofia.

Chalga is huge, and mostly played at every gay bar, and is sometimes the only music gays here will listen too along with pop music. While I like chalga, I cannot just simply listen to chalga all the time, and it is too much for me.

3. They are terrified of talking with an American:

This sounds strange, but it is true. I have heard many times from friends of my two Bulgarian gays friends say they don't know what they could talk to the American about. The best part is they think I don't understand this, and then I mentioned in Bulgarian how I just understood what they said.

This was the same way in Balchik, but it got better after the first year and were willing to talk to me. In Balchik and with my straight friends in Sofia, we have conversations about things that would be everyday consversation things, and we can laugh and talk about stuff. Not so with the gays in Sofia. They don't have the patience to speak with me, or it is like I am the anti-christ. So, I usually sit quietly with the gays as they talk, and Sasho and Rado will usually find a way to get me into the conversation eventually.

4. I have a quiet demeanor, and I am not the outgoing gay you see on Will and Grace, or other TV shows:

I have always been like this, but it really throws off the gays here. With some people, I will remain quiet during a conversation when I feel there is not much for me to contribute. In the states, I could get away with this, but the gays in Bulgaria don't get this part of me, and they think is something wrong with me when I am quiet.

5. Why would a gay American actually want to work and live here?

I get this question A LOT. Why would I choose to willingly live here? Many gays here would leave Bulgaria if given the chance, because they are extremely uncomfortable being gay in Bulgaria. My ex-bf firmly falls in this category, as do many others. He is living in London because he is too afriad of being gay in Sofia.

When they find out you actually want to stay and live in Bulgaria, then there is something wrong with you. If I worked at the embassy, it would be different, and they would understand this. But, I willingly signed a contract to work and stay here and I choose to stay long term, which bamboozles most gays here.

6: Sports:

I love sports, especially soccer, hockey, and swimming. Bulgarian men hate sports, and they never understand why I would want to watch hockey games, soccer games, or American football games. It is the kiss of death when I mention I like sports to some gays. While I found lots of gays who played sports and they became great friends in DC, here it has been impossible to play a sport with gays besides badmitton, which I can't stand.

7. Gay life is catching up, but still behind the times:

While things have improved a lot in gay life, the gays themselves are behind the times, not just the straight people. When I mentioned how my straight friends and my mom have gone to gay bars and restaurants in DC, they acted as if I committed a mortal sin for bringing my mom out. I had to mentor them on how silly of a comment that was, and how unaccepting it was. Unlike the States where there were many gays leading the push for gay rights, there are very few here willing to do such a thing. The pride parade is scarcely attended, and I become the rebel for being out, talking about dating issues with straight friends, colleagues, and being out to everyone I care about. This now includes my Bulgarian mom in Balchik, who we have a don't ask, don't tell policy, but she did ask two weeks ago whether I found a nice girl or guy in which I am dating, so she knows and just pretends not to know, lol. So now, there is no one who doesn't know about me, and I am extremely comfortable with that.

In the States, I was definitely not the one pushing for gay rights, or leading a cause. After three years here, I feel that I must now sometimes, for the sake of the gays here themselves, and show them there are other views to what gay life actually is, not just what they think it is from some video or movie.

Acceptance of D List Status:

Having said all of this, I am extremely thankful to Sasho and Rado, and a few new friends who have started to get to know me and get me. Note, I am not talking about the two Americans here who get me, nor am I talking about dating life in particular. Finding a guy to date is tricky because of all of this, but I have dated guys, and very nice, gorgeous, wonderful guys. Yeah, it is more difficult and a royal pain dealing with this stupidity, but not impossible and I have found my way in Sofia now. Plus, I have moved up from the E list to the D list, which is a big improvement. The E list is a nightmare when I was in my Oprah fat phase. One day, I hope to move up to B list, like I was in DC with the gays. If not, I am comfortable will accpet my D list status in Sofia, and will report on it more.

How to drive the Sofia/Varna road:

Driving this path could be so much easier if Bulgaria actually finished the highway from Sofia to Varna, like they promised about 35 years ago. Instead, you have two portions of with about 70 kilometers of highway, followed by over 300 kilometers of a two lane road. The highway is the easy part, but the two lane road makes the drive hellish. As I drive this way to Balchik and back a few times a year, I am constantly reminded of what Buglaria should have done, but instead invests in unnecessary hotel and villa building with politicians who care little about the country. I pray to baby Jesus that one day they will finish this highway, but building more hotels on the Black Sea coast is more important, especially when half of them are empty.

Normal people drive this road in about 5-6 hours, and I can do it in five, and usually make Balchik in 6-7, depending on whether there is a holiday season, or when I leave. To survive driving this road and not go insane, I offer the following tips:

1. Bring a good collection of CDs:

There is no radio reception after about 30 km outside Sofia, and I learned this the hard way my first two trips. Now, I have a collection of 30 CDs to pull my through the trip.

2. Learn the road, where it is safe to pass, where it is not, and where there are the speed traps.

Even though I am Speed Racer, I know there are two sections of this road for about 5-10 km where it is simply unwise to pass under any circumstances. So if I get stuck behind a truck going 30 kmh in a place impossible to pass, I will sing along to songs, try to be patient as possible, curse a the corrupt Bulgarian politicians, and then pass when it is safe to pass.

3. Be careful of mafia style drivers or idiot drivers thinking they are Formula One race car drivers in their Volkswagen Golf or Opel:

Every time I drive this road, I almost see one near accident because one of these drivers are impatient and choose they are so important that they must arrive in Varna 5-10 minutes before you. I have learned to let these drivers by, as they are much better ahead causing accidents, than near me causing accidents.

That's all for now, but next time I will include more recipes, including the Peanut Butter Pie, and Spaghetti with Spinach and Sirene. Thanks for reading, and next time there will not be a huge break between issues.